Lifetimes

She was in her early 20´s when they met. Together they felt adventurous and free. He took her on long outdoor walks and taught her how to plunge into cold waterfalls. She taught him about commitment. They got married. One day something changed. She still can´t quite explain what it was. But the joy wasn´t there anymore. Instead there was jealousy and control. She left.

He was her second husband. It fascinated her that they were from such different cultures and backgrounds but still had so much in common: a love for art, books, history. They travelled a lot together. One day he betrayed her. Or at least she took it that way. He should have standed by her side. But he didn´t want to take sides. She felt out of love instantly, as she couldn´t love someone she didn´t respect anymore.

F. was 10 years younger than her. He seemed mature enough for 24. He looked sensitive, loving, almost fragile. She was happy she could finally be nice to someone. When she dug deeper she found a soul made of selfishness and full of boundaries. From him she learnt what it was to be in a relationship - by herself.

E. was gorgeous and seemed to be a rare combination of looks, wit and intelligence. It´s true that in the beginning she wasn´t really interested. But it flattered her that he could be interested despite the fact that he had this beautiful girlfriend. He wrote to her. Poems, messages, long fluid texts about life being meaningless without Love. Yes, Love with capital letters. Shame he knew so little about it. When she finally fell in love he fell silent.

She met V. on the internet. He used to read her friend´s blog. One day he read hers. It happened to be a text she wrote to someone she knew was coming. She didn´t know who or when but the way she wrote it felt like a prayer. Or a spell. He fell in love with her words. Then they fell in love with each other.

There was something that scared her deeply. She wouldn´t dare to think about it as the very idea of it hurt too much. Her father was her rock, her fortress and the person she loved most in the entire world. She liked to pretend he was immortal. Only he wasn´t. She knew - and still believes - life will never be the same without him.

It was a Saturday night. Her husband was travelling on business. She was alone in bed reading a book when she touched her breast and found a lump. At first she didn´t want to believe it and she hoped it wouldn´t be there in the morning when she woke up. But it only disappeared when they removed it in surgery. Today she´s used to the word cancer. Especially because she overcame it.

They have so much in common, these women. They lived large and weren´t afraid to learn. About love and surrender, pain and regret, hurt and forgiveness, loss and rebirth. And above all, about fortitude and faith.

They have so much in common, these women. The even share the same name. I´m proud of them, actually. They are all me.

I´m Ana. Glad to meet you.